Rainy Day Arc
by Amy the Yu
Summary: Long suppressed memories and emotions cause Eiri to snap and hurt Shuichi. How will Shuichi react and could this incident end their relationship for good?[9 Parts up and more soon to come]
1. A Rainy Day's Tragedy

By: Amy Yu  
  
On: February 8, 2002  
  
A Rainy Day's Tragedy  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. This fic is written for purposes of amusement only. I am not gaining any profits from this. Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai Eiri+Shuichi, angst and non-con mentioned.  
  
Here's my first Gravitation fic:  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Yuki!!! Where are you?!" Shuichi Shindou called out even before he had set foot inside the apartment that was his and Eiri Yuki's home. He had just spent a day at the studio. He was tired, cold and very wet after getting caught in the downpour on his way home.  
  
Narrowed golden eyes radiating annoyance met Shuichi's cheerful greeting, shutting him up almost instantly. "Be quiet. The neighbours will get mad if you bother them by giving voice your stupidity." Eiri spat out venomously.  
  
Dropping his smile immediately and lowered his eyes sadly to the floor, content to stare at his feet as he quietly whispered, "Gomen, Yuki. I'll be quieter from now on." Even though Eiri was always grumpy and rude to him, Shuichi never wanted Eiri to truly be mad at him. To have Eiri hate him, for even a moment, would break his heart beyond imagination. To prevent this from ever happening, Shuichi was willing to take almost any verbal abuse that Eiri could manage.  
  
Eiri continued to glare at the downcast Shuichi, his angered facial expression not faltering. He knew that it wasn't Shuichi that made him so mad. His whole week had been horrible and finding no one else, he just decided to take his anger out on the poor boy.  
  
His being still filled with rage, Eiri turned swiftly around and proceeded to return to his computer uttering, "I need to get some more work done before I finish for today" as an end to their confrontation.  
  
Waiting until the door to Eiri's office had closed behind his retreating back, Shuichi finally moved to go take a shower before he went to prepare something for dinner.  
  
'A good meal should calm Yuki down.' Shuichi thought as he slowly stripped himself of his clothes and stepped into the warm comforting spray. Not giving Eiri's outburst another thought, he began to hum a song as the gentle jets of water cascaded over his body and the tension in his body was drained away along with the flowing water.  
  
The shower had done wonders to relieve the kinks that hung on his body. Putting on some nice dry clothes, Shuichi made his way to the kitchen and got some vegetables out of the fridge. The only way to drive away the moods influenced by the dreary weather was a good meal, some understanding and forgiveness from a loyal lover. He was sure that this was what Eiri needed in order to recover from what was surely a bad day. With this, Shuichi took a knife and began to chop up vegetables to use for his soup.  
  
Eiri was almost always grumpy, but he had rarely ever been just plain mean to his emotional lover. The only times that Eiri had spoken with so much scorn in his voice was after a particularly bad day in front of his laptop, usually caused by the dreaded writer's block. No matter how much Eiri tried to hide it, Shuichi could tell that he honestly did love him. It was just Eiri's nature to hide his true feelings.  
  
These thoughts distracted Shuichi enough that he didn't hear the door to Eiri's office crack open. He didn't sense anything wrong as Eiri crept up behind him with a dangerous gleam in his eyes.  
  
Mind clouded by the memories that haunted him since he was sixteen, Eiri was almost drunk from the negative emotions that overwhelmed him. This used to happen quite often before he met Shuichi, almost every time that his former sensei's spirit decided to possess his mind and drive him to near mental collapse.  
  
A dark gloomy rainy day. What a perfect setting it was for a disaster planned by an unforgiving spirit. No one came near Eiri without getting hurt and Shuichi was not going to be an exception.  
  
Pinning Shuichi up against the kitchen counter, Eiri leaned in and forcefully pressed his lips against Shuichi's. The kiss was not gentle or gratifying, but it no longer seemed to matter to Eiri. All he wanted at the moment was to find a quick fix to his frustration and sex seemed to be the best way.  
  
Completely ignoring Shuichi's attempts to struggle free, Eiri continued his assault. Without releasing the harsh kiss, Eiri left hand reached down to the waistbands of Shuichi's shorts and with one steady pull, he had the obstructive piece of clothing lying limply around Shuichi's ankles.  
  
Finally removing his lips from their place over Shuichi's, Eiri grabbed the boy and roughly turned him around so he was bending at his waist, over the counter.  
  
"Yuki, please stop." Shuichi finally managed. Instead of his normal hysterical cries, Shuichi sobbed in soul-tearing gasps. He just couldn't comprehend why Eiri was doing this to him. Eiri was almost never kind to him, but he also had never approached him with intentions of rape.  
  
Not being very comfortable with the idea of sex in the first place, feeling Eiri's erection against him through the fabric of Eiri's pants, Shuichi began to panic. Lashing out with his hands, he tried to struggle away from Eiri, but when he swung his right hand back, he heard Eiri cry out before he stumbled back a few steps and fell to the floor.  
  
Looking down in horror, Shuichi saw his hand, still curled tightly around the handle of the knife. The shiny stainless steel blade was now covered with the thick dark red blood of the one he cared most about.  
  
As blood ran down the length of the blade and then dripped off the tip, Shuichi's grip on the handle loosened as Eiri's grasp on his own life weaken, until the knife slipped out of his hand and fell to the floor, narrowly missing his feet.  
  
Frozen on the spot in shock, Shuichi watched at the ever-present glare on Eiri's face slowly turn into one of anguish.  
  
Clutching at the spot on his lower ribs where the knife had plunged into his body, Eiri slowly regained his thoughts and the vengeful spirit lost its grip on his mind. "Shuichi," Eiri managed to grind out, past the pain that filled both his body and his soul, "I'm sorry."  
  
Finally finding the strength to go to Eiri's side, Shuichi knelt down and wrapped his arms around Eiri's body so that he was cradling his most precious love. Eye's brimming with unshed tears, words escaped him as he felt his world collapse. "No," Shuichi cried, "I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't mean it. Please don't be mad at me. I'll go call an ambulance right now. You'll be okay. I won't let anything happen to you, I won't let anything hurt you again. I'm so sorry."  
  
Before he could lower Eiri back to the floor and run to the phone, Shuichi felt Eiri's hand on his arm, holding him there. "Moron. You did nothing wrong. It was my fault. I let Yuki take over me. I wanted to protect you, but now, you're just like me and it was my fault." Eiri took in a careful breath, fully aware that the knife had cut deeply into his lung.  
  
"Please don't say that." Shuichi choked out, "Hurt me as much as you want, just don't leave me. I'll die without you."  
  
Somehow, Eiri was still able to force a smirk onto his face, "Why do you care so much?" he asked. "I do nothing but be rude to you and hurt you."  
  
"Because I love you." Shuichi admitted, looking into Eiri's eyes as if he needed to show him that he meant it. "I just want to be near you. I don't care if you insult me and hurt me."  
  
"Don't worry. Soon, I won't be able to hurt you ever again." Eiri whispered, allowing a small smile to slip over his features as darkness closed in on his mind and he closed his eyes to the world.  
  
OWARI??? 


	2. Comatose Dreams

By: Amy Yu  
  
On: March 5, 2002  
  
Comatose Dreams  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. This fic is written for purposes of amusement only. I am not gaining any profits from this. Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai Eiri+Shuichi. As for other warnings, if you were okay with reading "It All Happened on a Rainy Day", then this shouldn't be a problem, so read and see.  
  
Author's Note: This is the sequel to "It All Happened on a Rainy Day". I didn't want to make this into another multi-part fic like I did with a Gundam Wing fic a while back, but it looks like it's going to turn out that way.  
  
Here's my second Gravitation fic:  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Darkness surrounded him when he opened his eyes. Sounding like a young child, the once assertive Eiri Yuki was barely able to whisper, "Where am I?" As he squinted his unseeing eyes as hard as he could without any results. The eerie silence and the complete darkness were beginning to frighten him as the coldness of his surroundings felt like they were slowly seeping into his soul.  
  
"So, you're finally awake. I have been waiting over 6 years to have this chance to have a good talk with you." A comforting masculine voice spoke out of the seemingly empty black void.  
  
Eyes opening wide from fear, Eiri shivered at the sound of this voice, which seemed so familiar, yet the face that it belonged to escaped his mind. "Wh-who are you?" He whispered. This time even quieter than before.  
  
A joyful laugh greeted his ears as the mystery man behind the voice approached Eiri from behind and lightly placed his hands on Eiri's shoulders. Leaning forward, the man whispered into Eiri's ear, "Are you sure you don't remember me? We used to spend so much time together when you were younger. We always used to enjoy reading great pieces of literature together. That is, until you killed me."  
  
Feeling as though his heart had stopped beating for a moment, Eiri tried to get away from this spirit of the past, but his body was frozen in place with dread. It did not matter anyway, for the unrelenting ghost from Eiri's frightening childhood had a grasp on Eiri and would not let go no matter what. He has not let go since the day his body died over 6 years ago. Always holding on with an iron grip, making sure that Eiri would never get away.  
  
Fighting back tears that have not been shed for over a decade, Eiri's whole body quivered as he desperately held on to the last piece of composure left in him. This should not be affecting him so strongly. He had dealt with the nightmares that haunted him every night since he was 16 with cool calm confidence. This was not any different, right?  
  
Eiri saw the man finally come into his view and if at all possible; his eyes grew even wider.  
  
"What's the matter Eiri-kun? You look like you've seen a ghost." was the reply that answered the look of pure horror on Eiri's face.  
  
Finding his voice, Eiri squeaked, "Yuki...Sempai, how..." as he looked upon the ever smiling face of his formerly beloved American tutor.  
  
"How can you see me? How can I possibly be here when I'm supposed to be dead?" The ghostly smile finished Eiri's sentence. "You didn't really think that I would leave you alone just because you killed me, now did you?"  
  
"Why can't you just leave me be? I didn't want to kill you. If you hadn't pushed me to it, I would never have done it." Eiri whimpered. All the suppressed memories came flooding back. He could feel the hands touching him, tearing at his clothes and ruining his life in a matter of minutes. These were the memories that he had been trying to escape from for the last six years. Memories that have caused him to have uncountable numbers of nightmares each of which had chilled him to the core.  
  
A smirk found its way onto Yuki's face. He seemed to almost thrive of the fear that he installed in his former student. "But you still did it. It doesn't matter if you meant it or not, you were the one who grabbed the gun. You were the one who pulled the trigger. It is your fault because no matter what the circumstances were, you are the reason that I am dead and you are the one that must suffer for it."  
  
"But haven't I been through enough? Please, just leave me alone. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Eiri pleaded hoping for some mercy from this ghost of his past. He understood that what he had done was wrong, but he also understood that he had gone through years of torture inside his mind because of it.  
  
"I still have to make you suffer. After all, it's not fair that you're still alive and I'm going to make sure that I destroy you. When I'm done with you, your fans will loathe you, your friends will be ashamed to be associated with you, your family will thwart you and that little pink haired boy that you seem so attached to? He will hate you with his entire being." The hateful spirit continued, "You haven't suffered nearly enough for what you did. Eiri Uesugi, I am going to be the cause of your downfall and I am going to enjoy every moment of it."  
  
Hugging his knees tightly to his chest, Eiri buried his face in his arms and cried. For the first time in six years, Eiri let down all his emotional barriers and cried.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Seated beside Eiri's hospital bed, Shuichi watched Eiri's sleeping face. So peaceful it seemed. Not a trace of the internal battle with a spirit of the past could be seen.  
  
Shuichi had sat there for days since the incident, never moving from that position beside Eiri's bed, except to go to the washroom. Meals were eaten in that chair and at night, he slept in that chair. He wanted to be the first person that Eiri saw when he woke up. He knew that Eiri was not in control of himself when Eiri approached him in the kitchen so many days ago. He felt it in his heart that Eiri loved him and would never hurt him. This was what gave him the determination to stay by Eiri's side for so long. It hurt him when they fought, but making up afterwards was always worth it.  
  
This fight was worse than either of them could have ever imagined and Shuichi was sure that when Eiri awoke from his comatose dreams, they would make up and all will be well again. Everything will turn out fine; it just had to. With these uplifting thoughts coursing through his mind, Shuichi sat and waited for Eiri to open his eyes and waited and waited and waited.  
  
1 TBC 


	3. Saying GoodBye

1 By: Amy Yu  
  
On: March 31, 2002  
  
2 Saying Goodbye  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. This fic is written for purposes of amusement only. I am not gaining any profits from this. Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai Eiri+Shuichi and angst.  
  
Author's Note: This is the sequel to "Comatose Dreams".  
  
Here's the fic:  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
'Wake up Eiri. Please, just open your eyes so I know you're okay.' Shuichi begged silently. He was still at the hospital, waiting for Eiri to recover, sitting in that chair by Eiri's bedside, always sitting in that chair.  
  
It has been four days now and there has yet to be any signs of improvement or deterioration. Even unconscious, Eiri was a mystery to all those around him.  
  
"No matter what you do to me, I'll keep praying for you." Shuichi mumbled softly to the sleeping face of his lover, who, for once, did not wear a scowl. "I'll never give up on you because I'll always love you."  
  
At first, Shuichi had cried bitter tears, angry with both Eiri and himself. He was mad at Eiri because of the vicious way he was attacked by the very person who he trusted with his heart. And even though Shuichi did not realize it, Eiri had turned into the very person that he had hated and he had hurt someone precious to him. He was mad at himself because he had not found another way to stop the attack.  
  
Eiri had already gone through so much in his life, he did not need anymore pain and Shuichi had caused him so much pain by just being part of his life.  
  
Bringing a limp hand up to his lips, Shuichi gently kissed each finger before nuzzling the palm with his cheek. He wished that he could hear Eiri speak to him again, even if he would only hear about how much Eiri hated him for being such a nuisance in his already pain filled life. He wished he could look in to Eiri's eyes again, even if he saw nothing but loathing in those golden irises. He wished he could hold Eiri again, even if it was for just a moment. He wished he could talk to Eiri again, even if it was just to say good bye.  
  
Drowning in a sea of depression, Shuichi broke down in empty sobs, his tears having dried long ago. Gripping Eiri's hand with all his might, he buried his face in the thin hospital blanket at Eiri's waist, muffling his own agonizing sounds, but never letting go of that hand.  
  
In fact, Shuichi was so overwhelmed by his own misery that he did not even notice when a small crease formed on Eiri's forehead, or when Eiri began to whimper softly like a mistreated child.  
  
Finally, unable to hide the horrors of his dreams from the outside world any longer, Eiri cried out in his slumber, "Don't touch me. Stay away from me!"  
  
Not knowing that Eiri was fighting off a spirit, which only seemed to exist in his dreams, Shuichi recoiled at the outburst. He had thought that Eiri's venomous tone was directed at him. Now, seeing Eiri slowly settle back into his deep sleep with only a slight sigh, Shuichi slowly backed into a corner of the room and wrapped his arms around himself, his eyes never leaving the face of his sleeping lover.  
  
"Is that what you want? Was that what you wanted all along?" Shuichi asked the silent form on the bed opposite to him, knowing that he will not get an answer. "I wish you only told me sooner. I would have left you alone if it made you happy. I would have done anything if it made you happy...because you're all that matters in my world."  
  
With those words, Shuichi cautiously approached Eiri again, whispered, "Have a good life. I won't bother you any longer." After placing a gentle kiss on Eiri's forehead, Shuichi straightened himself and without another word or a backward glance, he slipped out of the room and out of Eiri's life, this time, good-bye may be forever.  
  
3 TBC 


	4. The Man Behind the Mask

1 By: Amy Yu  
  
On: April 18, 2002  
  
2 The Man Behind the Mask  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. This fic is written for purposes of amusement only. I am not gaining any profits from this. Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai Eiri+Shuichi and angst.  
  
Author's Note: This is the sequel to "Saying Good-bye".  
  
Here's the fic:  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
3 Have a good life. I won't bother you any longer.  
  
"Do you hear that, Eiri?" the spirit of his former sensei whispered in an ominous tone. "He's leaving you because he finally sees the monster that you really are."  
  
Cradling his head in his arms, Eiri fought to keep the dreaded words of good-bye out of him mind. "No! That's not true. Shuichi loves me. He said so himself. He's just joking, he'll come back, he always does because he won't let me go, he loves me." He muttered, almost as if he was trying to convince himself.  
  
The truth was that Shuichi had left and the ghosted words that had filtered into Eiri's mind were the faint farewell his lover had murmured softly before leaving this part of his life behind for good.  
  
"Don't kid yourself. No one loves you, not even the boy. He had such an innocent soul, but you tormented it until there was nothing left, but a hollow shell filled with all the negative emotions that seem to roll off of you. How can he have loved you when you rarely every showed him anything more than a scowl and even when you did show him more, it was only when you felt that it was convenient." Yuki spat at Eiri with every last bit of disgust in the world residing in his words.  
  
Uncurling from the fetal position that had been his immediate reaction to Yuki's presence; Eiri backed away from his avenging sensei. Refusing to believe what he was being told, he turned away from Yuki's smirking face and ran off in search of a way to escape from this nightmarish hell.  
  
Have a good life. I won't bother you any longer.  
  
These words of a final farewell echoed in Eiri's head, tearing him apart from the inside. He had to find a way out and get Shuichi back before he lost him forever. He was so enraptured by his thoughts that he did not notice his sensei appear right before him, seemingly out of thin air, and ran right into him.  
  
Stumbling backwards from the force of the impact, Eiri looked up to find Yuki slowly advancing towards him with a contempt smirk playing on his face.  
  
"You won't get away this time. I'm making sure of that." Yuki announced with confidence.  
  
Feeling his panic returning to him, Eiri backed away a few more steps, whispering, "No. Not again. What would Shuichi think of me if he was here?"  
  
"He doesn't give a damn about you." Yuki said with a hint of satisfaction. "He left you for good remember?"  
  
"No, that's not true." Eiri denied. He refused to believe that Shuichi had left him out of hatred. "He said himself that he loves me."  
  
Almost as if a proverbial light bulb had switched on over his head, Eiri's mind replayed the few words that had filtered into his unconscious thoughts.  
  
I'll always love you.  
  
Shuichi had said that to him. Even after Eiri had done something so horrendous, Shuichi could still forgive him and love him. That was something that Eiri could never understand, but he was grateful. There were not many pure souls in the world and Shuichi was one of the purest and kindest. How he had the fortune of attracting such a wonderful lover may never be known, but it was the opportunity of a lifetime. You can only find your soul mate once, and Eiri's had walking out of his room just moments ago.  
  
3.1 You're all that matters in my world.  
  
Shuichi had thought that walking out of Eiri's life would be the best, but he was wrong. No matter who said that Shuichi was wrong for him, only Eiri knew for sure and he knew that Shuichi was the one for him, the only one for him.  
  
Feeling renewed energy flowing through him, Eiri realized that if he wanted Shuichi back, he would have to fight Yuki and this time, he would get rid of him for good.  
  
Eiri stopped backing away from the ghost from his darkest nightmares and lifted his eyes in defiance. It was time to stop running from his past and fight back.  
  
"No, Yuki. You're wrong. He does love me and I think it's about time I listened to that pink fluff ball of mine. He kept telling me to let go of my past and learn to live my life. He was right, I have to let go." Eiri spoke with an air of confidence. "He was right and you were wrong."  
  
Startled by Eiri's sudden change of heart, Yuki stopped as well and stared back. With a contempt edge in his voice, he responded, "Stop fooling yourself. No one can love a screw up like you." But Eiri had already made up his mind. There was nothing that Yuki could do to regain his control over Eiri.  
  
All the rage inside of Eiri came rushing out and instead of taking it out on Shuichi as he had done so many times before, it was all focused on Yuki.  
  
Closing his hands up tightly, Eiri brought his right hand up and swung. His fist connected with Yuki's lift cheek, but instead of falling down or stumbling back before countering with his own punch, Yuki froze. Then as Eiri was lowering his hand, Yuki's inert image shattered like glass, into countless numbers of tiny shards.  
  
His soul finally free from its prison of ice, Eiri stared down at the needle sharp splinters on the ground. "Our battle's over, Yuki. It's all over and I won."  
  
Eiri slowly released a long breath as if he was ridding his body of any traces of the destructive thoughts that Yuki had deeply implanted in his mind. It really was over now and his greatest burden was now gone.  
  
The pain and agony Yuki had caused him dissipated and he could live his life again. Letting the first real smile in over 8 years slip onto his face, Eiri closed his eyes and savoured the feeling of the beginning of the rest of his life as the darkness around him faded, taken over by a warm white glow which slowly engulfed him. He was free now.  
  
TBC... 


	5. Crossing the Line

1 By: Amy Yu  
  
On: May 9, 2002  
  
2 Crossing the Line  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. This fic is written for purposes of amusement only. I am not gaining any profits from this. Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai Eiri+Shuichi and angst.  
  
Author's Note: This is the sequel to "The Man Behind the Mask".  
  
Here's the fic:  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Touma's head snapped up when he heard the door to Eiri's hospital room click as it opened and Shuichi stepped out, his face full of sorrow.  
  
Standing up to go talk to Shuichi, Touma felt his spine pop in several places successively as he removed himself from his place in front of Eiri's room for the first time all day. "Has he waken up yet?" Touma asked, careful to keep his voice neutral. He did not know what had happened between the two lovers, but he knew enough to know when to keep his mouth shut and this was one of those times.  
  
"I don't think so." Shuichi answered without a hint of emotion in his voice. "There's something I need to do. Please take care of Yuki."  
  
Not understanding why the young singer was acting so strangely, Touma could only stand there and stare. "Ah...Okay..." He was all he was able to mumble in his confusion.  
  
"Good-bye Touma. Thank you for being there for both me and Eiri." Shuichi said, with a hint of sadness and tone of finality entering his voice, as he turned to leave.  
  
As Shuichi left his sight, Touma finally realized what had just happened. Shuichi had left and he had no intention of coming back.  
  
"Good-bye Shuichi. It was nice while it lasted. Eiri really did love you," Touma finally admitted to the empty corridor. "But Eiri's better off without you. He doesn't need you around to cause him any more pain."  
  
Turning back to Eiri's room, Touma decided to check up on the man himself. Shuichi had had him all to himself for much too long and he didn't like it.  
  
'I've known Eiri for much longer and I was the one who had cared for him all these years. It's not fair that that little boy took him away from me so easily.' Touma thought, his spite towards Shuichi growing steadily.  
  
Almost silently, Touma turned the doorknob and slipped into Eiri's room. The room was white as snow and smelled of antibiotics. Gazing from the door, Touma could see Eiri's sleeping form on the opposite side of the room, carefully tucked into the crisp white bed sheets that were so typical in hospitals.  
  
In fact, the only thing that wasn't so white in the room was the bright red blood that had managed to seep through the thick gauze bandage before the wound had clotted. That wound was what caused of all this confusion, what caused the destruction of Shuichi and Eiri's relationship and what nearly caused the destruction of Eiri's life.  
  
Walking over to Eiri's bedside, Touma smiled smugly at the chair that had been Shuichi's residence for the passed few days in the hospital. He pushed it aside, preferring a new seat not previously occupied by the boy who stole Eiri away from him, but even through his jealousy-clouded mind, Touma felt sorry for the kid. He had loved Eiri so much and had given up on his own happiness to ensure that Eiri did not suffer anymore. Too bad for him that it was not meant to be. Eiri deserved someone better than that whiny brat, even if it was a famous singing whiny brat.  
  
Finally bringing his attention back to the still sleeping Eiri, Touma noticed the growing frown on Eiri's face. The frown grew into a scowl and eventually, Eiri began to flail his arms as if he was battling against an invisible enemy. Before things could get any wilder, Touma grabbed him by the shoulders to hold him still. Apparently not liking being held down, Eiri unconsciously lifted his arms forcefully and pushed Touma off of him.  
  
Stumbling to regain his balance, Touma returned to Eiri's side and once again, he grabbed Eiri's arms. This time, he decided enough was enough. With one hard shake, Touma was determined to wake Eiri up. He had been asleep for much too long as it was.  
  
Eiri opened his eyes with a start and before he could register Touma's presence, he blurted out, "Is that you, Shuichi?" In hopes that he had imagined the words of good-bye that he had heard while trapped deep within his own psyche. Then as he was finally able to focus his vision, he saw Touma instead of the pink haired vocalist, and the battered remains of his world shattered.  
  
"He's gone, Eiri." Touma told him without any sense of remorse in his voice. It was a fact and that was how Touma had stated it, like some statistic to be rattled off, not something to be worried about, not something that he thought Eiri should have cared about.  
  
It was then that Eiri realized that he had not dreamed Shuichi's departure. It was real and all he cared now was that he had to get Shuichi back. "Why did you let him leave?" Eiri asked, his voice as cold as ice. "Why did you let him go out that door?"  
  
Putting on a mask of innocence, Touma tilted his head slightly and inquired, "Did you want him to stay? I thought that you disliked him. You always call him idiot or moron. I thought that it might have been better for your recovery if he just left."  
  
Leaping unsteadily out of his bed, Eiri curled his fists around the collar of Touma's shirt, nearly lifting him off the ground. "You have no right saying that." His eyes showed nothing but anger, not the least bit comforted by the look of fear that had flashed across Touma's face, before he was able to get his emotions back under control.  
  
Catching himself, Eiri realized that he did not have the time to pick a fight with Touma if he wanted to be able to find Shuichi before he disappeared for good. Letting go of Touma, Eiri found a set of his own clothes piled neatly on a nearby chair and changed as fast as he could, not caring that Touma was watching him. He walked towards the door even before he finished buttoning up his shirt.  
  
"Where are you going?" Touma spoke up, his voice as crisp and authoritative as ever.  
  
Not stopping, Eiri replied, "To find Shuichi." As he walked out and closed the door, leaving Touma behind in the snow white room.  
  
TBC... 


	6. Think Pink

1 By: Amy Yu  
  
On: May 29, 2002  
  
2 Think Pink  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. This fic is written for purposes of amusement only. I am not gaining any profits from this. Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai Eiri+Shuichi and angst.  
  
Author's Note: This is the sequel to "Crossing the Line".  
  
Here's the fic:  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
DING-DONG!!!  
  
With a sigh, Hiro put the guitar in his hands down, leaving it leaning against his couch, to go answer the door. Unlocking it, he opened it in one smooth motion, not even bothering with the peephole to see who it is.  
  
On the other side, stood Shuichi, smile on his face, but eyes unusually blank and unseeing.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be at the hospital with Eiri?" Hiro asked, well aware of Shuichi's faked smile. After so many years as his best friend, Hiro could easily sense anything the slightest bit different about his behaviour and this time, the change was so dramatic from his usual mood swings that alarms were set off inside Hiro's head. Something was wrong, very wrong and it definitely did not seem like something that he could fix with a few Pocky or a friendly chat.  
  
Continuing the facade that he was fine even though he knew that Hiro saw right through his act, Shuichi forced his smile to widen a bit as he announced, "Yuki's fine. Tohma's taking care of him now."  
  
Hiro backed away from the front door and allowed his long time best friend step into his apartment before closing the door and both went into the main room. Hiro made a quick excuse to go get some coffee for the two of them.  
  
As Hiro was busy with the coffee machine in the kitchen, Shuichi dropped his false smile and looked around the room that he knew so well, almost better than his own room back at Eiri's apartment. That's right, all this time that they've been living together, Shuichi still thought of it as EIRI's apartment. No matter how much Eiri seemed to warm up to him sometimes, there was a barrier between them that could not be broken down by Shuichi. It's was a barrier that Eiri had put up to protect himself after all that had happened during his childhood and it was him that would have to break it down if their relationship was to have a future.  
  
"Ha." Shuichi sarcastically laughed out loud, what future? It didn't matter anymore what happened between him and Eiri, there was no more 'them'. From now on, they would be two people who have nothing to do with each other aside from a tragic relationship that was not meant to be.  
  
"Do you want any sugar or cream in your coffee?" Hiro called from the kitchen, as he was about to bring out the fresh hot brew.  
  
Suddenly deciding that sitting in his friend's apartment thinking about his ex-lover was not something that he needed at the moment, Shuichi replied softly, "Actually, I should go now. There's something that I need to do. I'll see you around later." Before he went to the door and let himself out without even giving Hiro a chance to say good-bye.  
  
Hiro finally emerged from the kitchen, sipping coffee from his own mug. "This is really bad. I've never seen him act that strangely before." He told the empty room.  
  
Sitting down on the couch, Hiro placed his mug on the coffee table and picked up his guitar from where he had put it down when Shuichi showed up. He dug out a pick from the left pocket of his jeans and started slowly playing a few random Bad Luck tunes as he thought. 'I really hope that this doesn't have anything to do with Eiri, otherwise, Shuichi's going to be like this for a long time and that is something that I won't like. Eiri's put him through enough already, I will not allow him to hurt Shuichi any longer.'  
  
Just as he finished his thought, he heard the doorbell ring. Then as he made his way to the door, the person started banging on the door frantically. Opening the door, Hiro saw who was on the other side and whispered, "Speak of the Devil." To himself as he stepped aside to let his visitor in.  
  
Without bothering to even entering the apartment, Eiri pleaded to Hiro, "Have you seen Shuichi? Something happened and I really need to find him, please."  
  
To say that Hiro was stunned was an understatement. Was this really Eiri Yuki pleading desperately at his door? It didn't seem right, but it was true.  
  
Unknown to anyone other than Eiri himself, the past few hours have changed him tremendously. When in the past, he would have just shrugged off Shuichi's disappearance; he could not bear it now. His cold demeanor had disappeared when he had banished Yuki from his mind, what was left now was the real Eiri. One capable of showing the love that he felt for Shuichi and treating him the way that he deserved to be treated.  
  
Hiro hesitated for a moment before he cautiously told Eiri, "Shuichi was just here." Not knowing what to make of Eiri's personality change.  
  
Eiri muttered a quick thank you before racing off to hopefully catch up to Shuichi before he got too far. He would never be able to recover if he was to loose Shuichi.  
  
Staring at Eiri's quickly retreating back, Hiro stood rooted to his spot. "I hope this will change their relationship for the better." He told no one in particular, "For both their sakes, I hope."  
  
3 TBC 


	7. A New Beginning?

1 By: Amy Yu  
  
On: June 3, 2002  
  
2 A New Beginning?  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. This fic is written for purposes of amusement only. I am not gaining any profits from this. Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai Eiri+Shuichi and angst.  
  
Author's Note: This is the sequel to "Think Pink".  
  
Here's the fic:  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
3 Walking through the midst of the downtown crowd, Shuichi kept his head down to avoid any glances that people may throw his way. He knew that he should have put on a disguise if he did not want anyone to bother him, but it was too late now.  
  
Two high school girls walked passed him whispering to each other's ears. "Isn't that guy cute." One said, cupping one hand over her mouth as she giggled and used her other to point Shuichi out to her friend. "He looks kind of like the singer for that new band."  
  
Joining her friend's giggling, the other girl replied, "No way. That singer's always smiling and he's way better looking. Besides, a celebrity like him would never be walking around alone in the middle of the streets."  
  
Hearing this made Shuichi feel slightly better. At least he didn't need that disguise anymore. No one would believe that he was the same energetic and fun loving performer that he always appeared to be. Actually, aside from Eiri, no one has managed to ever make him sad and depressed before. He had always been able to just brush it off and get on with his happy life.  
  
"Yuki's better off without me. I should get over this." Shuichi mumbled to himself. He knew that his days with Eiri were over and there was no looking back. He had to learn to live without Eiri. It was not something that he wanted, but it was necessary and it would be a fact of life for him from now on.  
  
Shuichi felt himself being dragged down the spiral path towards depression by his own thoughts of Eiri. He needed a distraction, something that would take his mind off of Eiri for just a moment, like when he sings. That's right. He could go down to the recording studio for a little while. He didn't have a recording session today, but it was a place that always managed to make him feel comfortable and happy while he was there. It was his safe haven. It was a refuge for him when the world becomes too much for him to handle. That was one of the things he loved about being in the music business. His job was one of the best stress relievers. Every time that he went in for work, he could sing himself into oblivion, to the point where he could feel nothing more than the beats from Hiro's guitar and Suguru's synthesizer.  
  
Turning on his heals, Shuichi returned back down the path that he had been wandering and headed towards the NG Studios building. If he was fortunate, he might even run into Ryuichi while he was there. He could use a good laugh and Ryuichi was always good for one of those.  
  
Before he knew it, the building loomed over him, a spectacle for any passerby. Shuichi stepped into the main lobby, happy to be engulfed in the building's familiar interior.  
  
Forgetting all about the recording studio, Shuichi climbed into one of the lobby's large soft sofa chairs and laid his head against the right armrest. He had barely slept in days and his weariness was finally catching up with him. Now was as good a time as any to have a quick nap and Shuichi soon lulled off into a dreamless, but peaceful sleep.  
  
Too bad it wasn't meant to last. Before the hour was up, the doors to the lobby opened up and Ryuichi bounced in, Noriko not far behind him with a lollipop, trying desperately to sedate him somehow.  
  
As luck would have it, as soon as Ryuichi had wandered in, he spotted Shuichi resting comfortably on one of the lobby's chairs. Being too hyper to realize that Shuichi was in the midst of a deep sleep, he ran over, Kumaguru in tow, and leapt right onto the napping boy.  
  
Becoming awake with a start, Shuichi looked at the familiar face hovering over his own and gave Ryuichi the greeting that was owed. The sad smile that passed over his face was misunderstood for a sleepy smile and Ryuichi continued on without the heartbroken look on Shuichi's face every registering in his mind.  
  
"Shuichi! How are you? I haven't seen you for since last week. Where have you been all this time? Hahaha." Ryuichi interrupted his own speech with laughter. "Stupid question," he continued, "you were probably at home nice and comfy, cuddling your Yuki, right?"  
  
The look of sorrow on Shuichi's face changed immediately into a look of pure shock at the mention of the man whom he had walked out on. The reminder had not reopened an old wound as many would think. This wound was still fresh and the comment had only ripped open the wound to his heart wider, to the point where Shuichi just could not stand the emotions any long. Not bothering to say anything more to his childhood singing idol, he got up and ran away before his tears could slip down his cheeks.  
  
Back on the street again. Everywhere Shuichi went the memory of Eiri seemed to follow him. It was a nightmare that he could not get over, but perhaps in time, the pain would go away. He didn't know what would happen if it didn't. He could not live with this much pain burdened in his heart. He had heard that the best artists were always miserable, but this was too much. If this much suffering were required to be a good musician then he would rather give up on his dreams. It was just not worth the anguish.  
  
Bowing his head to hide his face behind his bangs, Shuichi wandered on aimlessly. He had always thought that it was a privilege to be with Eiri, but perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps, it was his curse to have the one he loved be both his saviour and his destruction.  
  
Losing control, Shuichi let his tears fall once again. "Why?" he sobbed, "Why do you have to do this to me, Yuki?"  
  
Shuichi stopped walking and stood in the middle of the sidewalk, letting his emotions run wild. Inside, he was falling apart, the strain of being Eiri's lover for the past months finally catching up to him full force, but outside, the people walked passed his, unmindful of the agony that the young man with the pink hair was in. Life truly was unfair.  
  
4 TBC 


	8. Permission Denied

By: Amy the Yu On: August 10, 2002 Permission Denied  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. This fic is written for purposes of amusement only. I am not gaining any profits from this. Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai Eiri+Shuichi and angst.  
  
Author's Note: This is the sequel to "A New Beginning?"  
  
Here's the fic: ~*~*~*~  
  
Clothes wrinkled, hair disarrayed, Eiri ran through the streets, no longer bothering to keep up his cool, sophisticated appearance. It didn't seem important to him anymore. No thing seemed more important to him than finding that pink haired idiot. No, not idiot, Shuichi Shindou. He was the one that mattered more to Eiri than anything else in his life, at the moment. He would find Shuichi, or he would die trying. He didn't want to exist any longer if he couldn't be with Shuichi.  
  
Eiri chuckled darkly to himself. Funny that he would be talking about death like this, especially since he had struggled so much to narrowly escaped it not hours before. However, he was not aware that he would be returning to a pain filled life. If he could just find Shuichi, it would all be worth it because the pain would stop and he would be able to live again.  
  
"Shuichi!" Eiri screamed, ignoring the stares that he earned from all the people around him, as he continued to speed along the streets, blindly searching for the one he loved without a clue to guide him. Not having any idea where Shuichi would be didn't bother him though, because he didn't need directions to lead him, he was following his heart.  
  
Run, run, run, huff, huff, huff. Eiri had been searching for hours now and still no sign of Shuichi. Finally forcing himself to slow down a bit, he looked around, allowing his surroundings to sink. As he stood there, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath, old memories began to surface.  
  
Eiri had wound up on the same path where he had first met Shuichi. It was in this park, they had met and it was here that Shuichi used to come whenever he felt overly stressed and even on a few occasions, they had come together, to try to forget about their hectic lives. So many memories, some were good, but for the most part, the memories ended in Eiri rather getting angry at Shuichi or he had simply gotten fed up and left Shuichi in the park, alone. How could he have been so cruel to someone that he had loved so much? It was not right.  
  
Straightening back up, Eiri returned to his search, but this time at a much slower pace. Shuichi might be around and it would not do to miss him because he was not paying attention to his surroundings. He looked high and low. He checked every spot that Shuichi might be, even the small forest that Shuichi had liked to cut across to save time when he was in a hurry. However, there was not a single trace that the singer was there and he gave up.  
  
Maybe Shuichi headed into town instead. Eiri turned and picked up speed as he ran off in pursuit of his ex-lover. How he would be able to find him in a huge city crowded with thousands of people was anybody's guess.  
  
By this point, all forms of rational had left Eiri's mind and a raw need had taken their place, besides, how hard could it be to find someone with bright pink hair? There's no way he wouldn't stand out like a sore thumb.  
  
Eiri found himself in town in record time. Looking around, he realized a flaw in his plan. 'Why the hell do so many people have pink hair?' he wondered to himself sarcastically, and it was true. For some unknown reason, there were several bright pink heads bobbing up and down amongst the human traffic jam. All seemed to be in similar shades of pink as Shuichi.  
  
Having no where better to go, Eiri started towards the NG building, maneuvering himself through the crowd. The building was big enough to be seen clearly from the edge of town, but looks were deceiving. It was much further than it appeared.  
  
It seemed to take forever to get there and along the way, Eiri seeing images of Shuichi amongst the crowd, but when he slowed down to take a closer look, he would find himself staring at the faces of strangers.  
  
Eiri leaned forward with his hands on his knees as he tired to catch his breath underneath the cool shade that the towering building provided. After a few short minutes, he straightened himself and walked into the main lobby, confident that he would find his missing lover there. He was greeted with the sight of Ryuichi running towards him at top speed screaming, "SHUICHI!!! You came back!!! I was so worried that you were sad!"  
  
The singer came to a stop a meter in front of Eiri and his goofy smile instantly dissipated into a serious and menacing stare when Eiri's presence registered in his mind. "You. It was your fault that he was so upset wasn't it. Every time Shuichi looks sad, it's always cause of you."  
  
Not listening to anything that Ryuichi had just accused him of, Eiri only heard the part about Shuichi being there. Turning around Eiri was ready to take off in search of Shuichi again, sure that he was nearby, but before he could take a step, Ryuichi grabbed his wrist with bruising force and pulled him back.  
  
Ryuichi's eyes were determined and focused as he stared directly into Eiri's soul and told him, "You're not going after him. Tohma told me what happened between you and Shuichi. You are not going to hurt him any longer. I won't let you."  
  
TBC 


	9. Turn Away

By: Amy the Yu On: October 12, 2002 Turn Away  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. This fic is written for purposes of amusement only. I am not gaining any profits from this. Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai Eiri+Shuichi and angst.  
  
Author's Note: I was not planning to give Ryuichi much of a part, but I guess I kinda have to after reading how much people liked the idea of him intervening. However, since I was never a huge fan of Ryuichi's (please don't hurt me O_O), I'm going to write him as someone completely different from the child-like idiot that most people love him for. This is the sequel to "Permission Denied".  
  
Here's the fic: ~*~*~*~  
  
Eiri froze on the spot. Of all people he had not expected Ryuichi to be the one to stand up for Shuichi. The rabbit toting singer hid his brains well. Eiri had never guessed that he would be so observant and considerate towards his friends.  
  
"But, but, but..." Eiri stuttered, not knowing how to confront the situation without his old cynical mask. He may have freed his emotions from the mental prison he had built, but that seemed to have a newly exposed down side. He was now open and vulnerable to being hurt. However, he had decided right there and then, being hurt due to this own inability to deal with his newfound, or rather his newly reawakened, emotions would be acceptable if he could reach his goal, if he could have Shuichi back by his side.  
  
Ryuichi snapped, "Can the excuses. I'm sick of how you treat Shuichi. He deserves better. Why would you think that I'd let you go after him? Why? So you could hurt him? So you can attempt to rape him again? Face it, Uesugi, he was never anything more than a plaything to you."  
  
"No." Eiri stumbled, "No, I-"  
  
"Then what else would you have thought of him as?" Ryuichi cut in, not allowing Eiri to finish. "The only reason you want to find him is so you can abuse him even more. Why would you think that I would ever let you go after him after what you've done?"  
  
Eiri felt defeated. He lowered his eyes to the floor in surrender. "Because...I love him." He whispered back.  
  
Ryuichi snorted. "That's a laugh. Last I knew, you couldn't care less what happened to him. People change for the better, but I don't believe for a second that you're one of those people. Your type don't understand love. You only understand possessions and lust. You're a worthless liar." He then turned his back on the heartbroken writer and walked away, not feeling an ounce of remorse for the nasty remarks that he made.  
  
The burden was too great and Eiri couldn't contain his sorrow anymore. Tears began to flow as Eiri slumped to the floor, defeat overwhelming him. Maybe Ryuichi was right. Maybe he had not changed as much as he had thought.  
  
The fragile remains of Eiri's world began to crumble and there was nothing he could do to stop it. The race was over and he had lost. The prize was gone. Shuichi was gone. He wrapped his arms around his knees and buried his head there, hiding his face from the world. For the first time in years, he began to cry in earnest. The wall in his mind was gone and emotions were allowed to flow freely. There were no longer any barriers to prevent him from getting hurt and slowly, his heart was falling to pieces.  
  
Ryuichi walked away, without sparing a single glance at the broken man behind. He did not even notice that Eiri was crying. He had done his duty as Shuichi's friend. What happened to Eiri was no concern of his.  
  
Eiri was finally able to break free from his mental prison, but it all seemed like a big mistake. Had he left his emotions where they were, locked up safely in a hidden corner of his mind, he would have been able to move on. Unfortunately, the Eiri Uesugi that everyone had come to know was no more. In his place was a lonely man, searching for his one true love, a true love that he may never find again.  
  
Soon, the lobby was silent once again, save for the anguished sobs of an unfortunate man.  
  
This was not fair. Eiri should have found his lover, Shuichi should have forgiven him, and they should have fallen in love all over again, but this was no fairytale and Eiri was no Prince Charming. He was the tragic hero who will never have his happy ending. Eiri was destined for the role. It just fit him so perfectly. Perhaps he was meant to live unhappily ever after.  
  
TBC  
  
Note: Sorry for the crappy chapter. Writer's block hits again. Help me out? The ending for this chapter was actually inspired by a poem I wrote for my English class, "Unhappily Ever After". The theme "fairytales gone wrong" written all over it. If anyone's interested in reading it, visit: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=905539 It's a very short, amusing parody and was a class favourite. Try it, you might like it. 


	10. Back to the Beginning

By: Amy the Yu On: October 28, 2002  
  
Back to the Beginning  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. This fic is written for purposes of amusement only. I am not gaining any profits from this. Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai Eiri+Shuichi and angst.  
  
Author's Note: Finally decided to give the angst some semblance of a break. Not really, but some happy flashbacks? This is the longest chapter so far, almost twice as long as my usual. Title inspired by a line from the Buffy season premiere. Anything between **asterisks** are flashbacks. This is the sequel to "Turn Away".  
  
Here's the fic: ~*~*~*~  
  
Shuichi stood at the front door of the apartment that he and Eiri shared, staring at the door quietly.  
  
**"Yuki! I'm home!!!" Shuichi called into the apartment as he threw open the front door. Another day at the recording studio working with K, the slave driver, had passed and he was happy to be home again. Eiri may not be the best lover, but underneath the tough guy exterior, Shuichi just knew that Eiri loved him very much. This knowledge was what kept Shuichi attached to Eiri. They were meant to be together. Shuichi had never doubted that for a moment.**  
  
How many times had Shuichi returned home to run to Eiri as soon as he had gone through these doors? He could not even keep count any longer. He used to love this door because it meant that he was going home to Eiri. Now all it was was an empty promise of a lover that he would never be able to return to.  
  
Shutting his eyes tightly, Shuichi forced back his urge to break down into tears again. He had shed too many tears already. He took a deep breath to calm and prepare himself, put the key into the lock and opened the door.  
  
The apartment seemed foreign to him. Without Eiri, it was not home anymore. There would no longer be Eiri, so this would never be home again. It was time to leave the past and move on.  
  
Turning in the direction of the bedroom, Shuichi saw another door in the hall. The door to Eiri's study. It was still open from when Eiri had slipped out right before the attack, but Shuichi's mind was not on that. All he could think of were the many times he had fallen asleep outside the door waiting for Eiri to go to bed. Eiri had been kind enough to carry him to their bedroom or at least cover him with a blanket every time. There were good times when Eiri was kind. It may have been because there was no one around to catch him in the midst of a nice act, but Shuichi remembered every occasion, even if he was half asleep.  
  
Shuichi stopped outside the door and placed a hand on the knob, tempted to go inside and look around one last time at all the articles tacked up on the wall, and have one last sit in the little stool beside Eiri's computer desk that had been his spot for so many nights when he would stay up late to keep Eiri company while Eiri finished his manuscripts before, or sometimes after, the deadlines.  
  
**"Why are you still here?" Eiri asked the sleepy boy sitting at his side. "You're about to fall asleep any second. Go to bed, Shuichi."  
  
Shuichi yawned. "But, I don't want to leave you here to work by yourself. It's so lonely in this room." Before he could utter another word, his body grew heavy and he laid his head down on the desk so that sleep may overtake him.  
  
Eiri stopped his typing and looked at the sleeping boy. "Baka. You'll catch a cold sleeping like this." He whispered softly, in one of his rare gentle moments that he would only display when he thought no one would find out that this side of him existed. With a sign, he shut off the computer and nudged Shuichi awake. "You win this time. We'll go to sleep now."**  
  
Stopping himself, Shuichi pulled back his hand and continued onwards. It was better to let the happy memories rest undisturbed in that study, so that there may be happy memories left in this apartment, untouched by the nightmares of that horrible event.  
  
Once in the bedroom, Shuichi went straight to the closet and grabbed his suitcase along with any possessions he had in there and around the room. Lastly, all he had left to get was his pillow.  
  
Picking up the fluffy soft pillow, Shuichi spotted a few hairs on it left from the last time he had slept in the apartment, but not all the hairs were his. Mixed in with the bright pink hairs, were a few light blond hairs. The colour of Eiri's hair. They would never share this bed again.  
  
**The latest manuscript was finally finished, and this time, Eiri had actually made the deadline. It was almost four A.M., time to go to bed. He put his glasses down on the computer desk and headed to the bedroom.  
  
Bending over Shuichi's side of the bed, Eiri looked at the gentle sleeping face of his lover. Running a few fingers through the soft pink hair, he placed a small kiss on Shuichi's forehead before straightening himself to go wash up, a soft smile playing on his lips. A smile that Shuichi surely would have missed had he not been awakened when Eiri kissed him on the head. Good thing Eiri left his glasses by his computer and did not notice in the dark room that Shuichi's eyes were opened just a crack.**  
  
Shuichi smiled sadly to himself and placed the pillow back down in it's place on the bed. Perhaps this room could use a few good memories too. The pillow looked better when it was besides Eiri's anyway.  
  
Shuichi closed his suitcase with a click and turned to leave. The room looked almost empty without his belongings scattered all over. At least Eiri will have his clean bedroom back.  
  
Ready to leave for the last time, Shuichi took a deep breath and walked out of the bedroom that he had lived in ever since he had first forced himself into Eiri's life, shutting the door behind him. He knew that he would never see that room again.  
  
Now that Shuichi was back at the front door, he suddenly felt an ache in his chest. The apartment held so many good memories for him and even though he knew he had no choice, he didn't want to leave anymore. One more quick glance around would be okay.  
  
Shuichi put down his suitcase in front of the door and turned to take one last look around the place where he had spent some of the best time in his life. It was the only time he had been truly free to express himself, and do what he liked, as long as it didn't involve getting in Eiri's way.  
  
The living room came into view. That long sofa that he had slept in many times.  
  
**It was Shuichi's first night over at Eiri's apartment. Happy that the author had allowed him to stay, he happily slept on the couch, unaware of the figure standing in the doorway.  
  
Eiri shivered slightly. The air conditioning was turned up way too high, but he didn't want to turn it down. He liked the cold. The idiot, however, would probably catch a cold.  
  
Grabbing a spare blanket from the linen closet, Eiri quietly approached the pink headed singer and gently placed the blanket over his body.  
  
Shuichi instantly grabbed the blanket and snuggled into the warmth that it brought. "Thanks Yuki." He murmured, barely awake. "I knew you cared."**  
  
The little ashtray on the side table where Eiri would chain smoke as he talked to Shuichi. The television that Eiri and Shuichi had watched Bad Luck's performances and Eiri's interviews on together. The coffee table that Eiri had berated Shuichi so often about because Shuichi forgot to use a coaster for his mug.  
  
His mug. Shuichi had forgotten all about it. It was probably in the kitchen on the drying rack waiting to be put away or to be used. How could he have forgotten to get his mug?  
  
Sighing at his faltering memory, Shuichi went to the kitchen to retrieve his favourite mug that he had brought from his parents' house. He walked right past the puddle of dried blood on the floor, the guilty knife still lying where he had dropped it days ago. He did not want to acknowledge it. All he had remembered were happy memories and he didn't want some stupid knife to ruin that for him.  
  
The mug was not on the drying rack where Shuichi had thought it was. Instead, it was sitting besides the coffeemaker. Maybe he could stay just long enough to make some coffee for himself. After all, he had barely gotten any sleep in the last few days and crying for hours did not exactly make him feel fully functional.  
  
While waiting for the fresh pot of coffee to brew, Shuichi decided to dig into the last remains of his junk food stash in the cupboards. Reaching far behind the packages of instant noodles and boxes of cereal and crackers, he pulled out the last box of chocolate Pocky.  
  
Just as Shuichi finished the box of Pocky, the coffee finished brewing. Grabbing the pot, he poured himself a full mug of the deep brown liquid. He blew gently across the top of the mug and took a big gulp. It tasted horrible, but he needed the caffeine and since the milk and cream had probably gone bad by now, he took it black.  
  
Shuichi smiled as he felt the warm drink swirl around his stomach, warming him up. He was so content with having the caffeine in his system that he missed the click as the front door opened and shut.  
  
The intruder crept towards the kitchen, drawn by the smell of the coffee. Upon entering the room, he gasped. "Shuichi?" he croaked, voice barely audible. Confident that he was not hallucinating, he approached the man standing in front of the coffeemaker. "Shuichi." He called out again, loud enough to be heard clearly as he reached a hand towards the pink head.  
  
Shuichi jerked around, surprised that someone had snuck up on him. His eyes widened as he recognized the man approaching him as his former lover.  
  
Mistaking the fatigue in Eiri's eyes as a mad gleam, Shuichi screamed and brought his arms up to protect himself, the mostly full mug of hot coffee in his hand forgotten.  
  
A few drops of the brown drink landed on Eiri's outstretched hands, as he reached for Shuichi. Not understanding why the man he loves was so scared of him, Eiri stopped and slowly backed away as his tears began to flow again. "Please don't hurt me again." He begged, clutching at his stinging hand, completely out of character for the man he once was.  
  
Once at the doorway of the kitchen, Eiri turned and rushed out of the apartment.  
  
Shuichi stood frozen for a moment as what happened settled in. Slowly, his knees gave out and he slid onto the tiled kitchen floor. This was too much for him to bear. Out of tears, he wrapped his arms around his head as he curled into a ball against the counter and heaved dry sobs that shook his entire body. The once strong and stoic man he loved had turned tail and ran away from him. If Eiri could not keep his composure together, how could anyone expect Shuichi to be?  
  
As the singer wallowed in the painful atmosphere Eiri's sudden appearance had created, he realized that the ache in his chest was renewed heart break. Even after all he went through, he could not forget about what he and Eiri shared. He could never forget and he would always need Eiri. Without Eiri, there was no life to him.  
  
The puddle of spilt coffee reached the dried blood and swirled as it mixed with the deep red stain. The blood seemed to come alive again, as if it had just flowed out of a freshly reopened wound.  
  
TBC 


	11. End of it All Angst Version

By: Amy the Yu  
  
On:February 15, 2003  
  
End of It All  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. This fic is written for purposes of amusement only. I am not gaining any profits from this. Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai Eiri+Shuichi, SERIOUS angst and a really really bad simile cause I ran out of phrases to use and I want to finish this.  
  
Author's Note: I'm sorry about taking so long between chapters. And I'm sorry about the shortness of this ending. I'm allergic to angsty endings even though I'm at my best when the mood of my writing's at it's worst. If you want a happy ending, then I suggest you skip this altogether and go read the happy-sappy version of the ending (which is longer, and better written IMO). This is the sequel to "Back to the Beginning".  
  
Here's the fic: ~*~*~*~  
  
The cold tiles of the kitchen floor were not comfortable by and stretch of the word and before long, Shuichi's body was aching from being curled on top of it. Forcing his body to obey, he got up and placed the rapidly cooling cup of coffee on the counter and turned to settle things once and for all with Eiri.  
  
Shock and fear no longer gripping his heart, Shuichi was rational enough now to realize that Eiri no longer posed a threat to him physically. How he would feel emotionally during and after confronting Eiri on the matter at hand, was another story.  
  
Shuichi stepped around his luggage and opened the front door. The man he was seeking was sitting against the wall beside the door, knees drawn up to his chest looking like a lost little boy.  
  
Not leaving the safety of the front door, Shuichi spoke up. "Yuki, I can't take this anymore. I never knew what to expect from you, but this is too much. I...I'm leaving, for good."  
  
Forcing his tears back, Shuichi grabbed his luggage, walking out of the apartment and out of Eiri's life forever, his footsteps echoing down the halls like whispers from the past.  
  
~*~*rare middle of chapter scene change to Hiro's apartment*~*~  
  
"Eiri was looking for you." Hiro told his best friend, not sure if it was what Shuichi wanted to hear.  
  
"I know." Shuichi replied, "I met up with him back at his apartment." All this time and he still only thought of the apartment as Eiri's, never his own and now that would remain forever.  
  
"And?" Hiro asked knowing that he should pursue the subject, but not being able to stop himself.  
  
"It's over," came the answer. "Yuki and I are over. Things were never very happy between us and it's just gotten worse. This may have been said once too many times already, but perhaps Eiri and I were never meant to be. Just...perhaps."  
  
OWARI 


	12. End of it All Sappy Version

By: Amy the Yu  
  
On: February 15, 2003  
  
End of It All  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of its characters. This fic is written for purposes of amusement only. I am not gaining any profits from this. Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...  
  
Warnings: Shounen ai Eiri+Shuichi, sappiness and a happily ever after at the end.  
  
Author's Note: Just so I don't spoil the mood at the end, the last paragraph was inspired by the ending of "Jo's Boys", last book out of the four Little Women books (by Louisa Alcott) which I loved reading so much back in elementary school (I was several years ahead of my time when in came to my taste in books). This is the sequel to "Back to the Beginning".  
  
Here's the fic: ~*~*~*~  
  
What would happen if he left? Would he be happy to start life anew, or would his mind cry out in turmoil, not having received any closure?  
  
Shuichi sat on the ground, not sure what he should do. The cold tiles felt good under his body. They pulled heat away from his body, so the numbness could dull the pain in his chest. Or at least, it should have, but the pain was not physical pain. It was the effect of a broken heart.  
  
Coming to a decision, Shuichi stood up slowly and left the kitchen. He could run away from everything that was wrong in his life, but God would never let him rest if he did.  
  
Shuichi reached out with a shaky hand and hesitantly opened the front door. On the other side was the root of his problems. On the other side was Eiri.  
  
This Eiri was different though, no longer the man Shuichi had known, he was the poor soul who had been locked up after Yuki had taken over.  
  
Forgetting the past for a moment, Shuichi felt his compassion pull him to the other man as he sank to his knees and cradled Eiri's head to his chest, hoping to bring some serenity to the shattered man.  
  
The lost soul had found its way home, but there was hardly anything left to return to. The only thing Eiri had ever held dear was slipping away. Shuichi may never love him again and Eiri would have nothing left to live for.  
  
Bursting into tears, Eiri wrapped his arms around Shuichi's waist and held on tight. He had not realized how much he needed Shuichi until he had lost him, but now that Shuichi was back by his side, there was no way he would ever let go again.  
  
"I'm sorry." Eiri choked out between sobs. "I didn't want to hurt you, but I couldn't stop him. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."  
  
Shuichi froze in place as he heard the words pour from Eiri. "Couldn't stop him?" He asked, not fully understanding.  
  
"Yuki wanted his revenge for what I did to him. He forced me to hurt the one thing I never wanted to hurt. I'm so sorry I didn't try harder to stop him." Eiri babbled on. "Please don't hate me. I love you so much. I don't ever want you to hate me."  
  
Caught off guard by Eiri's sudden confession, Shuichi could only hold Eiri tighter as he too began to cry, but not from fear of losing the one he loved. He cried out of joy.  
  
Eiri felt the tears run down his face, but not all of it was his own. He tilted his head up to look at Shuichi and begged, "Please don't cry. I never want to hurt you again. I don't ever want to see you in pain."  
  
Dropping all the way onto the floor so he would be level with Eiri, Shuichi wound his arms around Eiri's neck as he buried his face in the man's shoulder. "I'm not hurt. I'm crying because I'm happy. You've never told me that you love me and I had always assumed that you didn't. Baka, I don't hate you. I love you, too."  
  
After Shuichi's words finally sank in, Eiri smiled. The world was right again.  
  
"So, does this mean you'll stay with me?" Eiri asked, nervous about what the answer would be.  
  
Shuichi brought his head up to return Eiri's smile as he looked into Eiri's eyes. "Of course I'll stay."  
  
"Stay forever?" Eiri whispered.  
  
Leaning in, Shuichi brought his lips to Eiri's in a soft kiss. "Forever", Shuichi breathed as they barely broke apart.  
  
They stayed like that for a few minutes, sitting on the floor in the hall exchanging soft kisses.  
  
The stage lights dim and the curtains close as the story about the lovers end, happy ending well deserved, so that they may continue to live their lives in peace, everything back as it should have been, but never was.  
  
OWARI 


End file.
